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Things that make you go hmmm
Part of my kiddo’s bedtime routine is that—after we brush his teeth, wash him up, get him into his pj’s and read him a bedtime story—we cuddle up and talk about stuff. Just stuff.
Could be anything from how his day went to something that happened at school that day, what he wants for breakfast (the kid is a walking garbage can, he always has food on his mind) or his beloved topic; dinosaurs.
Last night, however, he took a wrong turn. A really wrong turn. God knows what triggered it, probably the birth of baby Renzo, but out of the blue he wanted to know how babies come out. Not how they’re made—I would’ve come up with a tooth decay inducing love story—but no, he wanted to know exactly where they come out.
Strangely enough I had difficult time answering that question. It caught me off-guard. I always thought of myself as a progressive mom trying her best to tell her son, at his level, the truth no matter what.
And yet here I was, stammering and stuttering like a blathering fool. Really uncomfortable. Right then and there I just wanted to brush it off and give him the proverbial: ‘We’ll talk about it when you’re older‘ speech.
But I didn’t. At first I took a detour and gave the ‘We go to hospital and the doctors help the baby come out’, a go. He wasn’t having any of it. He wanted the how, why and most of all the where?
So I took a deep breath and tried to explain it the best I could. Well, my best wasn’t good enough.
For a split moment he wavered and you could see him trying to wrap his brain around the info I had just given him, but then his face lit up in a slight understanding. “So babies come out of your butt?“, he asked.
There. I knew I’d failed. Miserably. And what’s even worse… in the end I did give him the ‘We’ll talk about it later, sweetie. It’s bedtime now‘ answer after all. At least we got a good laugh out of it after I came downstairs and shared the story.
How do you handle those sticky and tricky questions your kids ask?
My kids think babies come out of your butt too….
@ Stacey:
I feel better now. Thanks :)
A lot of kids reach the same (hilarious) conclusion. It was easier telling Kai when he asked because he was born via C-section. We’ll explain more later…
@Andre:
It cracked me up. It really did. I did think I’d be more casual about it, though. I’m normally pretty liberal!
Still remember the day Kai was born, you posted a photo and I yelled out “OMG. it’s a burrito” :)
I wonder if he will repeat that at school.
@Spruce Hill:
I’m pretty sure of it. Actually, I’m hoping that will happen. I’ll let his teacher handle it *snirk*
I think your posts are great. This one I am responding to because it happens to be a topic I have looked into much myself. I am parent and happen to have a parenting resource site; this topic is an article I am preparing to write – any day now.
I spoke to a ‘specialist’ about this exact thing. She gives talks about sex and other such matters to kids of all ages. She is a very progressive individual and I admire her approach. Basically, what she said, and I plan on adopting is not to make a big deal out of, but be honest, forthcoming, and realistic. If you don’t know how to answer, just say exactly that – ‘ you’ll get back to them with a good explanation’. There is a great book called “it’s not the Stork’ that provides some really great illustrations and hints on communication on the matter. I think how you handled the situation is very good, it’s a tough situation to deal with – especially during the serenity of bedtime. :)
:-)
You crack me up (letting his teachers handle it!). Luckily for me, my three year old hasn’t asked about it yet and the older kids are all teenagers and think they know everything (the three are my stepkids, so their dad and mom handled this stuff long ago). I’m still not sure how to address the topic when she does finally bring it up, but at least now I’m not so much afraid of stuffing my foot in my mouth (which will probably still happen)
Kids certainly have a way of catching you off guard. Especially the smart ones.
Kai was indeed the cutest little burrito ever :) All you could see was his face poking out of the receiving blanket in that pic.
My boys finally did that with me.
When they were little and asked me that question I told them that ladies have a “Baby Hole” where the babies come out. It’s different than where you go #1 and #2. That seemed to work!
Have fun with it! Leuk!
Mijn dochters weten inmiddels ook allang van de hoed en de rand (3 en 5 jaar…, en álles moeten ze weten)
Ik heb het over een “babygaatje” het is zoals het is. Succes ;-)
Oh that’s hilarious! Well done for going with the direct approach. You were greatly rewarded with a rich story you’ll remember for years to come. [Reminds me of funny scene from the film Knocked Up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixoK-94Aqr0.]
By the way, just found your blog today. Looking forward to more of your recipes and stories! :)
: ))
My mom was really liberal when it came to explaining sex and relationships, and what exactly causes babies, intercourse etc. pretty graphic so to say, BUT she told babies came out of belly!! which is technically true and confirms what children see themselves. she would show me her appendicitis removal scar and tell me that’s where they made the cut to take me out.
i was quite “old” (8 or so) when a friend told me what babies really come out from – i was shocked i couldn’t believe it.
i guess not the best strategy on my mom’s part. : )
@The Lunch Lady
Brilliant!
When my first child asked (I have 4) I really started sweating, but answered the question honestly with the correct body part names. She looked at me and said “OH” and walked away. She asked the same questions several months later and it was easier. In my opinion if you say we’ll talk later they may not come back to you, but ask someone else. And, if you always tell the truth as they grow older they realize that when they confide in you, you are honest and this goes a long way with building trust with your ultimate teenager.
“So babies come out of the butt?”
That’s when you say “EXACTLY. That is EXACTLY where they come from.” and move on. Daddy can explain the rest or he’ll find out in school soon enough.
I had a very open minded, not prude at all single mom and I didn’t know exactly how babies were made until my friends at summer camp told me when I was 11.
I agree wholeheartedly with Martha’s approach of being honest. I really don’t understand why it should be hard to tell the truth. Children that age won’t understand all the details anyway, and they are much more innocent in their thinking than we are. I think caretakers are thinking more from their own diverse perspectives than those of a child. Just be honest, and don’t act nervous about it. It’s not like it is a taboo or bad thing; it’s all biological and natural! :)
Both my kids came via C-section. So when ever they ask (actually my son 7yrs asked about it few months ago) I tell them they came out of my belly. My son remembers how I was pregnant with his baby sister. He often wanted to put his hand on my belly and feel baby’s movements. He can remember mamas’ belly was so huge. So he believes that babies come out of ur belly… It was easy for me… What I think is we should not give them all the details, truth as it is. Most of the stuff they can’t understand..And definetly they talk these things in the school with friends, like “my momy said like this and that..”
@ Martha:
I think it would have been easier for a girl to understand. But he was really, from his own perspective of having a penis, trying to wrap his brain around what he was told. It was kind of funny how he wanted to understand but got confused.
Yup, I’m all for telling a child the truth with matching names and all.
I love your stories :) Thanks for sharing your family experiences ! I am looking forward to talking about this topic with my future kids. I think it’s all about the parents attitude. As a child you really don’t understand the details, but you remember the feelings which are connected with all these things. When my parents talked about the time before my birth, they always said “That was when you still were a polliwog in a frog lake” with a smile. I knew this was wrong, but I laughed about it and didn’t want to hear the biological truth all the time! As a child I could imagine everything (like babies coming out of the belly button), except of what really happens. ( I came trough this litte hole out of my mother? Urgs)
And that is why my husband was so glad we had a little girl – he reckons this way it can be my problem to answer the questions. Mine can’t talk yet, but I am already worried about what questions she will come up with. Gonna remember this answer ;)
Hi, this is Aimee from Vermont (in the USA) and I have long been an admirer of your blog, although I think I’ve only posted once or twice. Love your recipes (great family food) and photography. I have 2 boys, ages 8 and 11. I can highly recommend “It’s Not the Stork” as a book I gave both my boys when they were around 5 years old. We’ve moved on to some books about puberty for my 11 year old, but the 8 year old still likes to look at the Stork book. I am not a prude at all, and believe in using the correct, anatomical names, but yeah, it can get a little uncomfortable trying not to give too much information but not give misinformation either! I do remember when my now 11 year old was 5, and he was shocked! shocked! I tell you! to find out that girls did not have penises. He went to a progressive nursery school where the boys and girls had swim lessons together 2x/week, and changed into their suits together in the big group changing room, so how he had missed this I don’t know (talk about only seeing what you want to!). He became tearful to find out that his best friend at the time, a little girl, did not have a penis. He felt very sorry for her (males!, so single-minded even as small children). He was quite sure he’d seen hers. Took a while to persuade him that he was mistaken. We teased him about this for a few years, but now that he’s heading toward puberty it’s not a subject he wants brought up! Best wishes to you and your little guy — and sorry for your recent heartaches. Hope the spring brings more joy.
@Aimee:
You brought back memories here.
When he was 2 and a half he stepped into the bathroom where I had just taken a shower, and since he had just really discovered his penis he was very interested and wanted to know where mine was. (or piepel, as he called it then). It was almost as if that was the first time he noticed the fact I didn’t have one.
When I told him girls don’t have penises, well, the look he gave me was priceless. Somewhere between total shock, disbelief en a tremendous amount of pity.
“Ohhh. Are you sad now?”, he asked. I thought I’d die laughing.
Just wanted to add how much my family loves your sweet sticky pork recipe, and especially your ham, cheese and chicory rolls recipe. I had no idea what to do with chicory except use it raw in salad before I found your chicory rolls. They are delicious. Your little boy/shower story is so funny. Made me laugh out loud.