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Losing Your Marbles
Let’s talk, and let’s talk honestly: how do they do it?
Who, you ask, are they? I mean those superwomen, the wonder-mom’s, who seem to be able to do it all, and do it so easily. Are they a myth or do they really exist? All I know is that I try to measure up to them, but somehow I keep failing miserably. Sometimes I feel like life is a juggling act: I’m trying to keep all the balls in the air in a fast-paced speed that gets the best of me. Maybe it’s time to stop juggling? Not to drop the balls, but just stop try to keep them all in the air at the same time.
On any given day we get the kiddo ready for school, drop him off there, do some cleaning, laundry, work a little and prep lunch. In between I run errands, handle finances and correspondence and do some commercial photography work. Before I know it, it’s already time to pick him up for lunch only to drop him off at school a very short hour later. I then get two hours in which I shoot a blog posting several times a week, or do my commercial recipe translating. Two measly hours! Two days a week he has the afternoon off.
Then it’s time to take him home and keep him busy until I have to start making dinner, do the dishes, tidy up the living room and get him ready for bed. All aside from the weekly chores like grocery shopping, after-school activities, play-dates, cleaning, laundry, helping at school, etcetera, mind you.
Not to mention picking up after what has to be one of the sloppiest kids, ever. This child can turn a perfectly neat house into something that looks like it’s been hit by an F5 hurricane in under 2 minutes. It can be so tiring, and I don’t even work a full-time job and have only one child. It’s the moms and dads who do all this and have a full-time job that have my undying respect and admiration. Working from home I at least get to set my own hours, but that’s not to say that working from home makes things any easier.
Oh, the prospect of getting a solid, uninterrupted, eight hours a day outside of my home to get the job done. I dream of that! Ever tried meeting a deadline with a child enthusiastically bursting into the living room just to tell you: “Look mom, I pooped a Pokemon“?. Nah, didn’t think you did.
Not even touching on all those times I have to get something done while the kid is running around demanding attention— and unfortunately, not always in a positive way—that I really can’t give him at that time. It makes me feel inadequate and guilt-ridden. Like I’m a bad mom, and my ambitions and needs come first and are making me neglect my child. Overreacting can be fun at times, right?
Heck, my 5-year-old has a more active social life than I do and, really, it’s no wonder: by the time it’s 8pm I’m so bushed that all of my 5’8″ is splayed out all over the couch, and I’m trying my best not to binge-eat in an attempt to replenish some of the energy the day cost me.
I just have to face the fact that I don’t have a superwoman mentality, and for me there can never be enough hours in a day to get it all done.
So, how do they do it all? How do they keep up with the highly demanding needs of their children, a marriage, a career, a household and still have time to themselves?
Clearly, I’m clueless.
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It’s all lies. LIES, I tell you! There are no supermoms. If you think you see one, then she is either pretending to have it all under control, or you don’t see all that there is to see about her. We all do our best, and that is all that we can do.
It’s a constant battle in our brain to be perfect and I don’t think we will ever stop trying. We will never be perfect. We waste a lot of time trying to be perfect. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the truth. We all do it.
What needs to happen is exactly what you have done today. We all need to start being honest, open, and make ourselves vulnernable. We need to know we are not alone in these thoughts and feelings. Thank YOU for writing this!
I think it’s funny and great that you are writing this.
Funny, because I always see you as one of those supermoms… I always ask myself, how does she do it, raise a child and do your (great!) work… I know people always say you’re so lucky that you can stay home with the children (in my case) instead of working a full-time job. And believe me, I do think I am very lucky. But in my opinion being a full-time mom is sometimes more work.. Trying to keep a child (or 2) busy for a whole day is a lot of work. ;) Plus everything else that needs to be done. Sometimes (but not too often), I am jealous of the working parents, since they get a break and get to talk to adults…
I think it’s great you are writing this, because we all feel like this. I don’t think there is a mom out there that doesn’t think it’s never good enough. Because nothing is ever good enough for our kids, now is it? ;)
Keep up the good work! I’ll try as well… :D
I always thought my mother was a supermom. She seemed to do a demanding full time job, look after three children that were very close in age, cook everything, clean everything, arrange every single excursion or holiday, handwrite any correspondence and somehow look after my adorable but clueless father in the process. I got very seriously ill in my teens and had to drop out of school and spent much time in hospitals. They were told I was never going to get better and, frankly, they would have to be my carers for life. Fortunately I managed to drag the pieces of me together but she was fully prepared to do this for me.
I said to her only the other day that I had always been amazed at her determination, dedication and seamless energy and drive that let her do everything in patience and calm. She admitted, now I am an adult, that she spent her whole mothering life feeling guilty, like she was never doing enough as she should be doing or with as much energy as she could be doing it. She said she often cried at night because she felt she let us down, she said she hated the occasions when she couldn’t make school plays or sports games and half the reason we were sent to boarding schools at 13 was to give her a break and then she hated herself for that either.
I thought she was supermom and she had kept how hard it was from me. But I needed to hear it, I needed to know that she was human. And she needed to know that it wouldn’t have mattered if she had taken the odd break because all three of her kids have turned into fine, well mannered, honest and loyal adults and she should be proud of everything she did nad now she can just chill out and enjoy her retirement.
She wasn’t Supermom, who cares? She was still the best mother I could ever have wanted or needed in my life and I hope to God that if I ever have kids, I can be half the person to them that she was to me – just in the guidance and love I had. I mean, I find it hard with just three cats and a seriously messy partner.
Kay, your devotion and love to your child, your pride in your work and your home are evident. Your little boy is never going to doubt he was loved and isn’t going to grow up a bad or neglected person. Hell, I think many kids would love you as a mother! If only for the food!
Struck a chord with me, this post did. But I think like your previous commenters mentioned, its time for us to get real. There are no Supermoms. There are just very good actors. Theres probably something that supposed super mom is hiding that we don’t know about. We wear our hearts on our sleeves and lament that we don’t match up to them. At the end of the day, is your child fed? Yes. Is he comfortable? Yes. Is he happy? Thats whats most important.
Some thing I read recently from some feminist book (I kid you not) was to stop worrying about the house being a mess, I think we women make a huge deal out of picking up and cleaning up more than is necessary and that just adds to the stress. If there is anything that could be outsourced, house cleaning should get that top priority.
And if you are short of time, maybe there is something in your schedule that can be rearranged or deferred to get more me-time? Does your son have to have his lunch break with you, maybe he can have it at school with other kids, I’m sure there are other parents that cannot pick their kids up at lunch time?
I read this in a book about this subject:
Look at the swans; they just seem to glide over the water, without a care in the world, it seems to be so easy being a swan. But what you don’t see is his feet paddling like mad under the surface just to stay afloat.
So next time you see one of those moms to whom it all seems to come so easy, think of the swans!!!
(I always do….)
There is no such thing as a supermom…because we are human and we all have something that always intrudes….its called life!! Never beat yourself up….we all get overwhelmed. Always sit back and count your blessings…soon those 5 year olds, are 10, 20, married with there own kids, and you wonder where the time went….my best advice is to always do something for your self every day, if you need to change something in your life, do it. You must take care of yourself first, so you can take care of the rest. Take time, take a breath….things always seem to get done.
I read, long time ago, a phrase that made me laugh, but it´s true:
“All that a superwoman needs is…….a wife.”
Think about….Learning to delegate the less important chores will do our lives easier and happier…
Funny the pressure we put on ourselves to do it all.
Thing is…it’s impossible but we keep trying anyway.
I love the saying “Don’t sweat the small stuff”
Because if you really think about it….so much really is small stuff.
As for Supermom? I bet a lot of the other moms look at you and think you’ve got it all together. Guess it’s all in how you perceive it.
I think the only time there are enough hours in the day is when you’re too old to care ;)
you know, some time ago I was watching a story about one supermum like u say, and in the end of a day, she pushed herself to the limits and started to use and abuse some magical pills that u can get in usa in any corner. and she was a supermum 4 sometime, yes she was….otherwise, it is all lies….
I belive that 30-40 years ago it was different to be a supermum. easier, maybe…don’t know, but sooooooo much different.
You don’t need to hear my view of Mommy Dearest. I never had children,fortunately. They make me nervous, they interrupt incessantly,they are drama queens, they are ungrateful and sneaky. But those mom’s who act like they do it all are, either, lieing to you, or they have a nanny for the kids stashed away. Life is difficult enough when you don’t have kids, so, I don’t see any better for moms. It just isn’t possible. People shouldn’t have to go through life feeling inadequate due to media social engineering. The bloom comes off the rose and it’s only natural. It’s as it should be. One shouldn’t be taking blue pills to force something that the body doesn’t live up to anymore.How much do we put ourselves through and for whom or what? They don’t appreciate it, or that you put your heart into it. The ancient days of getting to be a stay-at-home mom weren’t much better.The husband provided and the wife had to put out, put up, and shut up,…pop ‘em out and grow up those babies, and be made to feel that if you didn’t do these things, you couldn’t justify your existence. Just as if you were divorced then you had ’round heels’. And good luck trying to collect child support. Motherhood is a most noble “profession”, and I feel that kids should be trained as young as is possible to do for themselves and make their own lunches, do their own laundry, clean up their own room and contribute to family chores. No woman should have to throw away her life for a gaggle of burping, farting, nose-picking whimps who can’t even make their own sandwhich. :0)
Linda….
Having my two children was the best thing that ever happened to me. They are now 21 and 23….high functioning, college educated, well rounded, compassionate, successful adults who were not ANYTHING like you described what you think kids are like. I find your analogy of children quite offensive, actually. You couldn’t be further from the truth. Can’t quite follow your blue pill thought there…not sure what that has to do with Kay’s post or really anything else. And the child support rant? You have completely lost me in how that relates to this at all.
Kay…no such thing as supermom. The best strategy is take it one day at time and not strive to be perfect, as it doesn’t exist. I am sure I let my kids down a few times in their lives trying to be supermom, but I also know that I did more good than not, as they tell me now how much they appreciate my efforts during their childhood years and how much they love me. I wouldn’t trade one minute of it for all the gold in the world. They are my success story….the absolute best thing I ever did, aside from marrying their wonderful father!
Linda, never having children was your choice, some people should not be parents….I only know that after carrying a baby for nine months and then holding him for the first time, bonded me to him forever. I was a lioness with my cub, many times…I would walk through fire to save him. No one ever better mess with my son or they would answer to me! I now have a grandchild and I knew the first time I held her, that I would fight for her always with my last breath.
going to show my boyfriend this later :)